Day with Dad

I took a nap this weekend. My wonderful husband who likes our house and property and children so much that he hates to go anywhere spent my nap time inventing fun at our place with the kids. We often have to remind him that we wouldn't have this house and land if he didn't have the job, so he must go there Monday through Friday. Fortunately, he works with great people for a great university, so there isn't much to complain about (besides having to do it)!

After hunting the perfect sticks, hammering in a nail, finding a stick for an arrow, and attaching a bungee cord, they each now have their very own bow and arrow.

And here's how happy they are about it.

Full and Heavy

My milk came in today
as full and heavy as my heart.
I don't have you to give it to
because now we are apart.

I watched you hiccup on the screen
and felt you kick a bit.
Sometimes I can still feel you,
though it seems silly to admit.

I'm grateful for every day I had-
the timing was God's choice.
For some reason He wanted you back
before He gave you a voice.

I always learn through every loss
as God solidly holds my hand,
but what I've finally figured out
is that I'm not supposed to understand.


"We can try to limit suffering, fight against it, but we cannot eliminate it. It is when we attempt to avoid suffering by withdrawing from anything that might involve hurt, when we try to spare ourselves the effort and pain of pursuing truth, love, and goodness, that we drift into a life of emptiness..." Pope Benedict

Birth Story

I don't know the gender, but I keep wanting to call her a her. We just had another look at her through the ultrasound machine since I questioned Dr. H. whether or not babies make spontaneous post mortem kicks. He said no, we'll do another ultrasound, and a minute later the machine was in the room. We watched her there a while. She is so peaceful, no strong neck muscles to hold her head up, as if she knows the Lord has lifted her soul and any burden on her is now put to rest. If she can be relaxed, I'll try to be, too. Which makes her a Saint in the happiest place there is. Though still unnamed, with gender actually unknown.

I'm grateful for a belly just big enough to hold the laptop in the right place as I rest in a mechanical hospital bed. I am typing through a drug induced state (Ambien-supposed to help me sleep-hasn't-but I'm feelin' gooood.) Beginnings of a contraction start and stay for 2 hours now, but leveled off once Ambien kicked it it seemed.

I'm grateful for a husband who dropped his life to make sure mine (ours-the 3 of us) is taken care of.

I'm grateful for family who dropped their lives so Matt could drop off our children. They've been in wacky moods lately. The kids that is!

Im grateful for the kindest most down to earth obstetrician, Dr. Jon H. With his wife and 4 young children at home, he's sleeping in the room across the hall from me.

I'm grateful for his wife who lets him take care of us tonight, tomorrow...

I'm grateful that I've been through this and know what to expect.

I'm grateful for hospital Jello. If you have a spoonful of orange and strawberry in one bite, it's the most fanciest of delicacies.

11:30PM October 5, 2009. Next dose of cytotec inserted (into the cervix to induce labor). First dose was around 7:30PM. Matt sleeps peacefully in the bed across the room. Since Ambien didn't work, I can ask for something else to help me sleep and ease the pain, though it's mild for now. I had trouble walking straight post-Ambien, so who knows what more of it will do?! After another hour of not sleeping, they decided an anti-anxiety would be the next best bet as it could knock me out as well, so Zanex was next.

I typed the previous as I was in the hospital passing time. I'll finish the story now at home.

After several hours of not sleeping, having the shakes and certain belly-aching bathroom issues caused by the Cytotec, a fever also expected from Cytotec and a constant beginning of a contraction, I had about an hour of real contractions that increased in intensity, then suddenly I felt the sac crown without any urge to push. Matt was awake now and got the nurse. She called in the doctor and a team of nurses and they so respectfully and quietly went to work in the dimly lit room. I was high on hormones so enjoyed telling Dr. H. that his hair looked as good as mine (both of us just getting up from bed). They helped guide me through the delivery cautiously since the baby's body is so fragile, but since the water hadn't broken it was protected and born at 3:30AM. It can take more than 2 hours of waiting before the placenta is ready to deliver and I only had to wait minutes. Really miraculous how much easier this was than last time I went through this, though it's all relative.

Faith is the ticket that gets us through. I'm grateful for all that I learn through the tragedies He puts me through, and I always find there is some reason, some blessing, some inkling of hope to hold on to to make it worth the horror. I'm grateful for every day I was pregnant and know God has plans for all of us that are greater than we can imagine.


Addendum: Her name is Angel. She was perfectly formed. Baby's skin is transparent at this age.

Sad News

I'm posting the e-mail I sent because I am closely e-connected to people whom I don't have e-mail addresses for.

This is all too familiar to me, but once again, we'll be given the strength we need. I'm sorry to send bad news via e-mail, but I'm sure you understand we're not going to make that many phone calls and don't want to leave any of you unknowing.
Psalm 18:2
The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

At 18 weeks again, we've lost a baby. I heard a strong heartbeat only 5 or so days ago. I had a scheduled ultrasound today and we were shocked to not find the heart beating. There was nothing on the ultrasound to indicate what caused it. The doctor will order every test possible to figure this out that wasn't performed last time, as it's my 5th consecutive miscarriage, 3rd in or near the second trimester.
Psalm 34:18
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Matt and I will go to Home Hospital in Lafayette tonight at 7PM where labor will be induced. Dr. Hoversland said that it can take hours or days (even 4 or more) for the Cytotec medicine to start labor. We just have to stay in the hospital and wait. It is safe for me to stay pregnant and wait to labor and deliver naturally, but that could be weeks or months, so I chose the induction. Last time I was induced at 18 weeks it took less than half a day for labor to start, then 5 hours of labor. It's nearly as physically painful as the real thing, but lacking emotional motivation, so please pray for my strength. And for Matt's, it's hard on him, too.
Psalm 30:5
Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

I didn't intentionally leave anyone off of this e-mail. Feel free to forward it as necessary. I don't have very many e-mail addresses since my laptop went defunct earlier this year.

Stephanie
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Nothing Much

I haven't had much inspiration for posting blogs, so I'm afraid I'm losing what little momentum I had for all 5 of my readers. :) Last night in the bath tub I was thinking of the comparisons between Crayola crayon colors and life. I'll spare you such a post.

Tonight I was reading Trumpet of the Swan by E. B. White to the kids before bed. It's the 3rd time most of them have heard it. One time was on CD during a trip. It's my favorite book I think. While I was reading Jonah interrupted with, "Mommy, do you know what doesn't poop?" I went along. "No, I don't." He didn't have an answer, he wanted one. "What doesn't poop?" I said, "I think all living creatures poop." He followed, "Do swans poop?" "Yes." "Okay."

I am continually thrilled to be privy to the information inside the heads of these wonderful, though sometimes unusual, children.

Tomorrow, Matt and I get to see our next wonderful child on a monitor screen! We're very excited. Our girls, though not the same, aren't a real contrast to each other. Our boys, though they have similarities, are very different. I don't know what to expect from this one.

Pumpkin Passion

MMM. I can hardly type because I keep picking up my bowl of soup {slurp} and eating another bite. I'm on my second snack size bowl of Curried Pumpkin Soup this near autumn morning. Finally something to inspire me to type again.

3.5 months ago we took a great class from a local organic farmer with many acres, Kevin Cooley. We learned so much and took home some seeds and plants to start our garden. One of the seed bags was filled with 'winter squash' yet no specific name. Somehow this winter squash was seeded in many areas of our garden, not just the 1-2 hills that we placed it in. (Addendum: Matt DID put our 1 year old compost on the garden (I wasn't aware). That's where the pumpkins came from! I talked to Mr. Cooley finally, and the winter squash he gave us was acorn squash.)

Then in another strange turn (we had many with this garden experience) one morning a fairy godmother had turned the green smooth spherical squash into an orange pumpkin! We were quite surprised when they kept showing up (pumpkins, not fairy godmothers). The kids picked them a month ago, and finally today I baked them. It's so easy once you cut it in half from top to bottom and get the seeds out (which we'll save for roasting). A hatchet would be easier, but my Cutco knife worked. Put them flesh down on a baking sheet into the oven at 350 for 1 hour 30 minutes. When it's cool enough (or right away with hot pads if you're impatient like me), use a spoon to scoop the flesh out. It falls right off the skin and is the most beautiful rich color!



Here's the soup recipe that I got from a lady at the Men of St. Tom's Lenten soup supper.

Curried Pumpkin Soup

1/2 lb. fresh mushrooms, sliced (I only had half this amount and preferred the outcome.)
1/2 cup chopped onion
2 T butter or margarine
2-3 T all purpose flour
1/2 to 1 t curry powder (original author uses 1/2 t. sweet, 1/2 t. hot-I used full amount of regular curry)
3 cups vegetable broth
1 can (15 oz) solid pack pumpkin (I used 2 packed cups.)
1 can (12 oz) evaporated milk
1 T honey (I was out so used agave nectar.)
1/2 t salt
1/4 t. pepper
1/4 t ground nutmeg
fresh or frozen chives (optional) (I didn't use.)

In a large saucepan, saute the mushrooms and onions in butter until tender. Stir in the flour and curry powder until blended. Gradually add the broth. Bring to a boil; cook and stir for 2 minutes or until thickened. Add the pumpkin, milk, honey, salt, pepper and nutmeg; heat through. Garnish with chives if desired.

Serves 7

You could be all restaurant like and puree this. I found some pumpkin globs, but stirring and mashing with the spatula fixed that. To be safe, I used a hand mixer and sprayed it all over, but I don't mind the original consistency. I'm on my 3rd bowl now. Next time I'm trying it dairy and gluten free to see how that goes.

I really like to add raw pistachios to squash soups, however I only had raw cashews today, and they crunched just as well.

Never Too Much 4-H

We are nearing exhaustion, but the excitement keeps us going. Grace is taking 11 4-H projects, plus fashion revue. Will is entering 2 Mini 4-H projects. I didn't expect the time required for the activities in the books of some of her projects, so doing them these last 2 weeks has nearly burnt us out. But we don't have any regrets.

Today is day 2. All of the home ec stuff is behind us, and blue ribbons on all. Cookies baked, scrapbook completed, cake decorated (actually a foam one!). Skirt sewed and modeled. The gal in charge of fashion revue was in fashion revue with me years ago! Her sister, my former club leader, was also helping. A couple other fellow former 4-Hers also had 4-Hers of their own with mine! It's fun! We won't find out the results of fashion revue until the public show Sunday night of the fair at 6PM. There were only 4 entries in first year sewing! That's VERY low! I hope that more sewers join next year. Maybe Will will want to make some shorts or a duffle bag.

Here's Grace in her outfit. The skirt is the part that she made.



Tomorrow is only arts and crafts which includes painting and drawing (for Grace it's drawing), and Gift Wrapping. That one was fun and practical as she had to make her own bow.

I think this is a very boring post. I also have no consistency in my posts. Some are stories, some more like a journal entry, some just a recap of the day. There's no 'some' about it, I think this is maybe entry #4?

I'm off to put Grace's drawing into a frame. Tomorrow we have to finish assembling a Forestry poster supposing the leaves are dry and a Photography poster supposing we can come up with 3-4 more pictures with variety! Then it's all downhill from there.