What the Sap is That?

I was talking to my husband, Matt, on the phone today. "Hold on! There's something sticky on the earpiece," I griped. The dialogue in my head started something fierce. 'What the heck IS that? Gross. What have the kids been into now? How did they get it on the EARPIECE of the PHONE? Holy moly, it's not even coming off with the wash rag.' "Hold on, Matt, I'm washing it off," I say into the phone while it's at the sink, harboring a glue-like, mucus-colored blob. It looks better, so I give up, and return to Matt. My internal talker starts up again. 'This stupid crap is still on here. It's sticking to my hair!' Despite my struggles, I finished my out-loud conversation with Matt, cleaned the phone (I think!), and returned it to its home.

Later in the day, I was getting ready for our trip to the dentist when the comb got stuck in my hair behind my right ear. My hair is only an inch or two long there, so this doesn't happen. I yelped and tried it a couple more times. I had just taken a shower and washed it even! I turned my head to look in the mirror, and the wafting air drifted a PINE scent into my nose. A lovely one at that, but not one I keep in my bathroom, let alone frisk up my hair with. 'Are you kidding me? Pine? Is that PINE SAP in my hair? Is that what was on the phone?' Darn it, I was talking to myself again.

The scent reminded me of earlier that day when I was mowing. It was very windy. I was mowing under a large pine tree where our driveway splits to the neighbor's. It's just like me to not look where I'm going, but this time I DID! I drove through a large open spot of the ginormous pine's bottom branches, where I mow every week, looked down to check my cutting position, when WHAP, this huge branch Zsa Zsa Gabored me right across the right side of my face! I hollered and looked back to see that beast hurling away from me, then taking aim to return at my backside! Well thank freakin' goodness that I used to watch Knight Rider. I threw my orange Husqvarna into Turbo Boost and high-tailed it out of there faster than Michael Knight would say, "Gimme all ya got, K.I.T.T.!"

The tree has the last laugh as the sap still lingers in my hair. My headband stayed in position all day, though.

Don't think I have poor hygiene when it comes to hair washing. It's a proven fact that it's very challenging to remove sap from hair! Maybe I should invent a new extreme hold hair gel.